the ring

hi nali
I'm sorry for not explaining why I took your ring that have a previous story. on it, the fact is that how you saw the ring made me see all the feelings that were behind the ring and for that reason i took it.
the fact is that i took it as a punishment to myself. yup sounds masochist but the fact is not to hurt me but to remember all those stuffs that get lost during time in a relationship. i took it because i never took care of the flower of my hear, you.
thats why it got dried due my miss attention to it.
object like this are the one scars that keeps me in areality that i'm sharing with someone precious.
once again i'll be always sorry
believe me so...

there is so much i wanted to share with you...

was hard to carry my stuffs the whole road. but was harder to say good bye. i love you in a way that i still can understand, it change and went back to the beginning but there is something more that i was unable to handle properly.
think in all the plans and all the life i want to expend with you 2 makes me feel empty, done and for minutes, dead. but now life goes on and i feel that is an insult to everyone including me that i wont learn of it and move on.
gracias por estar en mi vida.

no more uncesesary luggage

Hi,
i still torture me a bit by the situation of what I've done in your apartment, your life and so many other stuffs. But the truth is that now I don't feel guilty anymore for that. Not for been cynic or act as an ass i should feel like acting like that. The fact is that I feel that i'm leaving with all those pictures of my mistakes like slaps in the face, just the sensation but with actual real damage and with a shameful. feeling that only makes me wiser.
I don't deserve your forgiveness, pity or care. Because there is nothing I can learn from it.
The fact is that i should finally disappear of your life from now on. Grateful of what you have done and with the promise of one day do something good for you as you did for me.
The only thing I can do for you now is to fix my material mistakes that I have done now. And retreat of your life until you want to accept me there. Is painful but is like things have to be done for the moment. we are both lines that can't be crossed in the long road of life and for that reason we have to do the best for our own life.
I dont feel anymore that have that aura that brings miss fortune to the world or the people around me. I feel strong now, yet not as much as I would like to but enough to clean my soul and to move on, start to learn how to listen and to pay attention to the world around me.
For seconds i feel sad because of an old dream. But yet, for the sake of that same dream I woke up and can proudly say that even in the darkest of the night I have myself and I'm not alone in any term reason I can become stronger day by day.
Te quiero natalie, eres el sueño roto que abrio la herida envenenada de mi alma.

chat

(07:14:57 AM) msn: one last thing, this is the most painful i'll ever tell you natalie. but you know what is this relax feeling that you have, that brightness that broke atillas paradigm? is the fact that you also had been developing feelings for you, feelings that are tainted by the pain of your previous relationship. so i'll be wishing for your happiness hoping to be strong too. maybe your point of view change in a dirrection i dont know, and i hope that considering that your vision is different of the one i met. be strong and make strong steps for your happiness and that mental peace you are always looking for my....

earth please eat me, why do i push her to another person who can fulfil her.. I want to cry now, but i become a bit stronger this days, yet i can barely move but i have to move on.
Please the force that kept me strong this days please helps me once more.

and the question finally came...

Oh n
you had stabbed me hard today. I knew that eventually that happens and now I feel like a prisoner waiting for her execution. I wish to the gods to give me strength to see you in your eyes and smile with your future happiness. Pain and love are together, maybe the pain in our relationship might bring you future joy you never expect that can exist. But ah, hurts so much to see that, i want to disappear. I thank you for asking me for advice anyways... if i feel like dying is better when i know what's going on...

lluvia, tus besos frios como la lluvia

hi,
rain in Panama is something amazing, is hot, but comforting. i don't know why people don't like it. indeed is healthier than German's rain and noisier too. is good to close your eyes and let it be, would you join me?

a day in the farm

N
today I was thinking on you this afternoon, what you would be doing and how might you feel. Do you think in me? Probably no, you should be having some entertainment somewhere else.
Here is not so different, I went to the farm to checkout some stuffs about the business and see the cows. The places looks not so different as it use to I wanted to have you there to see it, but probably you might feel overwhelmed by the difference of life.
In an instant, I was able to understand why the tropic looks so fascinating for you. Is so different to Europe that feels like living in a hot dream. The details of the nature become brilliant and in a moment you can feel so free.
See you there in the strong tropical hot wind with your eyes closing and your long hair dancing with the wing have to be a vision of reminiscence.